Social Media is full of single people dramatizing their singleness. They’ll post memes and quotes about what they “deserve.” They’ll proclaim that they won’t accept or settle for this or that. They obsess over what the type of person they are entitled to be with. How is that working out for them? Usually, not well, not well at all.
Instead, why not obsess over being the type of person someone would want to be with? Why not focus on the value you have to give to someone else and increasing that value?
I am not saying change who you are to attract someone else, I mean, I’ve seen all of your “I am not changing for anyone” quotes and memes, but why not focus on being the very best version of yourself? In the end, that is the one thing you can control.
I am an ultra marathon runner. I want the best results possible in each marathon. I can usually come in at about 80%, a few missed long runs, diet a bit hit or miss, in good but not great shape, and perform pretty well. But, when a race is important to me, I’ll make sure I am as prepared as possible to give myself the best odds of attracting the results I want. The same should be true in dating and finding that significant other. Prepare yourself to be in as good of a position as possible and to offer the most value to a significant other.
I will start with one area of focus for my Christian readers: How is your spiritual life? Are you in the Word daily? Are you praying consistently? Is your relationship with Christ strong? If not, odds you will attract the type of person you desire aren’t strong, and if you do, odds you cultivate and maintain a healthy relationship aren’t great.
Are you happy with who you are and where you are in life? This is not to say “is your life perfect,” but are you happy with who you are and in a stable place mentally? Unhappy people don’t tend to attract happy stable mates.
Do you have a stable career and are you debt free? Or, in the least, do you have a clear direction for your life and are on a path towards being debt free? A person with a solid career path and that is debt free is much more likely to attract a quality partner and to be in a position to combine two lives into one. There aren’t a lot of people looking to combine lives with a person full of debt and lacking in a stable career direction.
Are you physically in shape and living a healthy lifestyle?
Are you valuing and taking care of the things you have in your life?
Are you involved in your community and actively giving back to others?
Are you investing in strong and healthy friendships and relationships with family?
If you’re looking to find that ideal significant other, put the focus on yourself. What do you bring to the table? What value do you offer? How can you increase that value? How can you better position yourself to not just attract the person you desire but to cultivate and maintain a strong and healthy relationship?
Last, if you’re single, please, stop with the dating and relationship memes. I assure you, no stable strong person ever saw a meme of a person complaining about what they deserve in a significant other and thought….”that’s who I want to be with!”
Complaining is not attractive. Bettering yourself is attractive. Don’t worry about other people being good enough for you. Worry about being the best version of yourself.
Focus less on what you “deserve” and more on increasing what you have to offer.