I am single. As such, a precondition necessitates that I most be on a host of dating sites and applications. Bumble, I am on it. Tinder, Check. Facebook Dating, just signed up.
When scrolling through dating profiles, I noticed a glaring tendency for the majority of fellow significant other searchers to list all the things they are looking for (most list it in an aggressively demanding way), and many list all the things they don’t want (in an even more aggressively demanding way). This struck me as alarming.
Love is not selfish. Love is unselfish. Being a good partner in a relationship requires being unselfish. Why then in my dating search would I put all of my focus on what I want? That approach does not seem like it will bear good fruit nor does it align with my character. Accordingly, I’ve decided to focus not on which I wish to receive, but on what I have to offer and what I vow to give.
This is my vow, my list of what I have to offer, to whoever she is, wherever she may be.
As you read this, first, think about where your focus is? Are you focused on what you will give to others, or is your focus selfishly entirely on the things you want to receive? Then, think of what you have to offer. What are the things you can 100% commit to offering? Be honest with yourself. Don’t promise things just because they sound good or because you think it is what someone else wants from you. You can’t be what you are not, at least not long term. You can’t offer that which is not within you to offer.
What do you vow? Here is what I vow:
First, and above all, I will be a spiritual leader and partner. Growing closer to God will be my own top priority, and partnering with and leading you closer to God, as we become one, will always be my top priority. We will pray together. We’ll read the Word together. We will serve our Lord and our community together.
I will protect you. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, I will protect you. You will always feel safe with me.
You will never go a day without knowing that you are loved, appreciated and valued.
I will put your needs, happiness and well being above my own. If I should ever be so selfish in a moment as to put myself before you, I’ll immediately correct that as you will always be my priority.
I will provide for all of your needs, in all aspects, and aspire to provide for all of your wants.
I will place your dreams and goals above my own and I will fight with you to do all we can together to make sure all of your goals and dreams come true.
I will cause you to smile, every day, even on our worst days together.
I will make you laugh every day, most days laughing to the point you almost cry.
I will always lift you up and never demean you to others or dishonor you in any way.
I will be faithful, so much so that I will be above reproach and you will never, not for a moment, have cause to question my faithfulness.
I will commitment to these 10 vows will all of my determination and I will honor them, always. Should it be that you do not honor your vows, should it be that you fail to meet my needs, I will still always honor this commitment to you.
It may be that you do not exist. It may be that our paths have already unsuccessfully passed. It may be that we’re already present in each others life, waiting for our true hearts to open to each other. It may be that you’re out there, somewhere, and we’ve just yet to discover each other. Whoever you are, wherever you are, this is my vow to you.
Sincerely and with a welcoming heart,
Kevin Patrick Kelly
Focus less on the love you wish to receive and more on the love that you have to give.
– KP Kelly